I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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