There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
