do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize