So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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