She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
