just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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