I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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