My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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