He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
