I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
