1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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