Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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