just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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