Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
