omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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