Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
