I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
