He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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