If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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