Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
