conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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