My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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