im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
