Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
