He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
