Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
