You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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