Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
