I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
