It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
