Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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