DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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