brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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