shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
now i know why i became what i already was.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize