It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
