Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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