Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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