Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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