my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
