I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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