True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
