I'm gonna have a badass scar
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
