he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
