So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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