So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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