My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
