i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
