and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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