I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize