@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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