he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
