just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
