but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
