This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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