This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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