You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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