I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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