One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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