I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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