Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
