i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
