Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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