just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
