I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
