i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
