Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize