she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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