It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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