first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize