I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
