All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
