I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
