i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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