it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize