so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
