i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
