i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
