All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
