i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
