can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
