I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
