shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
