we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
