hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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