I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
