The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize