you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
