We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
