I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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