So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
