Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
