Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
