is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
