doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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