That's when you crack a 10am beer
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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