Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
