I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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