Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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