Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
