if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
