This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize