apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
