I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
