Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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