i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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