Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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