you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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